Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting: March 2011

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day Planner 2011: Or...You want me to do what with that dead squirrel?

The past three weeks on my day planner where supposed to look something like this:

Week 1:

Week 2:

Week 3:

Week 4:

This is what my day planner actually looked like:

Week 1:

Took Child #1 to ER for an apparent allergy to a new medicine (Doctor's appointment #1)
Dried beloved iPhone 3G off after it was submerged in apple juice
Took Child #2 to gastroenterologist for initial appointment (Doctor's appointment #2)
Held screaming Child #2 while unfriendly and inexperienced phlebotomist drew a total of 5 viles of blood from 4 botched locations and 2 non-botched locations on both arms
Discovered beloved iPhone 3G in bathroom sink with water dripping on it
Held funeral for aforementioned iPhone 3G.
Launched a murder investigation.
Determined I was eligible to spend $300 on a new iPhone (4, this time). Paced order and received shiny new fancy phone.
Took child #1 to follow-up appointment regarding medicine allergy (Doctor's appointment #3)
Strep in Child #2 (Doctor's appointment #4)
Missed class and rushed through school work
Became sick with flu like/strep-like symptoms myself
Did laundry, cooked, cleaned, parented

Week 2:

Secondary infection in Child #2 (Doctor's appointment #5)
Secondary infection for Mother #1 (Doctor's appointment #6)
Child #2 broke windshield wiper lever in the "on" position. Had to break it more to make it stop. ($300)
Early symptoms of respiratory illness in Child #1
Did laundry, cooked, and parented
Completed in-class presentation while periodically picking my lungs up off the floor and shoving them back where they belong
Completed extremely complicated organizational plans for child care for trip
Attended Thrilling Girls' Weekend Away in VEGAS!!!!! with mild, flu-like symptoms

Week 3:

Negotiated my return with American Airlines after initial flight home was cancelled
Recovered from Thrilling Girls' Weekend Away in VEGAS!!!! with mild flu-like symptoms and not-so-mild earache
Significant respiratory illness with high fever in Child #1 (running all week)
Exploratory GI diagnostics procedure for Child #2 (Doctor's appointment #7)
Attended class (barely)
Laundry, cooking, cleaning
Mother #1 still not recovered from secondary infection (Refer to doctor's appointment #6 for more information)

Week 4: (And it is only Tuesday!)

Secondary infection in Child #1 (Doctor's appointment #8, with follow-up appointment next week to rule out asthma)
Drop shiny new iPhone 4 in toilet at doctor's office while helping Child #2 to wipe her bottom
Determined that I am no longer eligible for a new iPhone, but I am eligible to pay $800 for a replacement
Attended the city council meeting that night for a presentation in class this week
Learned that the solution to dropping a shiny new iPhone 4 in the toilet is to submerge it in a bag of rice for 24-48 hours. (Oh, and strengthen my relationship with God.)
Buried squirrel that inconveniently dropped dead on my back porch only to be discovered on the way out to taking the kids to school which resulted in a long discussion of how decomposition is great for plants.
See dermatologist about suspicious, life-threatening mole (Doctor's appointment #9)
Influenza in Child #2

Upcoming later this week: