Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

My 5 minutes on Facebook turned into a decorating project for Emma today. Jack left the toothpaste within reach and when I realized that she was being too quiet to be good, I discovered that she had decided to redecorate the bathroom in Eau de Menthe. Smells great, at least.

I'm ashamed to admit that this is not the first time this has happened though, so fortunately I knew just what to do. (Other than sensible preventative measures, of course.)

The first step is to take a photo. (My battery was dead this time, bummer.) But the photo taking stage is very important. Taking a photo helps relieve the tension of the moment and gives you excellent material for blackmail later.

The second step is to put the child in the bath. Not only does this clean up the mess on the child, but also it prevents the child from creating more destruction while you clean up the mess on the walls (or wherever).

The third step is to pull out your magic eraser, paper towels, stain remover, a bowl of water, and a super-saturated sponge or similar. Use the paper towels to remove the chunks of mess. The sponge and water to wash the mess away (use A LOT of water). The stain remover and magic eraser works quite well to remove the remaining stains. (Just remember to test a small, unobtrusive portion of your wall before you go spraying stain remover over everything....another lesson learned the hard way.)

Some things are easier to remove if left to dry first. These items include, but are not limited to:

• PlayDoh on the walls and carpet
• Rice or pasta on the carpet
• Candle wax
• Chocolate
• Dirt/Mud
• Most (but not all) pre-chewed food that finds itself spit out on the floor

Some things are better removed while moist:

• Boogers
• Blood or other bodily fluids (they are also easier to spot when wet)
• Squashed bugs (except caterpillars which vacuum up quite well when dry)
• Glue
• Markers (esp. dry erase which should probably just be banned from your household completely. Very destructive product.)

Please feel free to add to my list with your own person experiences. The whole blogging world may benefit.