Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

Lovin' this blog.

Church bells ring.
Swish, swish, swish...leaves falling.
Scurry...scurry quickly squirrels. Winter's a comin'.
Birds chirping.
Pages turning.
Tea steaming. (Not cold and filmy.)
Blissful peace. Solitude. Zen.
Kapow! Reality back. "What's for lunch, Mommy?"

Kids to the dentist separately or together? Suggestions. They are 6 and 3.

Things never to say to a mother at the grocery store with a child having a tantrum:

• If the mother pretends to leave the scene of the crime in the hopes the child will stop screaming, do not stop the mother to tell her that she forgot her child.
• If the mother is carrying a screaming child to the check out, do not stop her to ask the child "what's the matter?"
• If the mother is in the check out line with the aforementioned child, do not do a "price check" on a toothbrush. The mother would gladly pay $5 for the toothbrush if she had to.
• If the mother is escorting her screaming child to the car, the bagger helping her to her car should not ask her, "How is your day today?"

I know I complain a lot about laundry; but at least there's this:


There are, however, a few major problems with this picture.

1. The person is alone. No kids bouncing around or pets interferring. (I know this person must have kids by the sheer quantity of towels present.)
2. It is daytime. My laundry never gets to this point in daylight hours. Usually, I'm stuck with laundry after the rest of the day's work is done.
3. The laundry is still warm. (At least, that's what I think. Why else would the person bother, really?)
4. The laundry is still clean. There is no child peeing on it or drink being spilled on it or food crumbs being dropped on it.
5. The person's bed is made. Who makes their bed anymore? I used to be such a good bed maker, but I'll save that for another day.
6. The person's socks are clean which means he/she also magically has time in his/her day to clean the floors, too.

Overall though, I think this picture might be my new symbol of parenting bliss.

In cases where you are forced to throw toys in the inside trash because of inclement weather or similar, be sure to "top off" the trash can with a gooey, slimey mix of last night's dinner leftovers, used teabags or coffee filters, and perhaps something like jello, rotten bananas (unpeeled), or gravy. This will help repel the efforts of even the most ardent of resident dumpster divers.

You may also want to break any unbroken toys destined for the dumpster. This will give you additional argument for elimintating the toy should it be found. In some cases, just letting a younger sibling play with the toy will make it useless enough for the trash.

Click here.

This post is a little off-theme for my "parenting" blog, but I'll try to bring it full circle by the end if I can. The purpose of this post is to educate the future home sellers/renters of the world about proper moving ettiquette. There's nothing worse than moving into a new home to find that the previous owners didn't properly close up shop before they left. When moving in, we don't want to pack up the rest of you belongings before finally getting to unpack our own.

Here are a list of do's and dont's that excited movers should consider as you prepare to cut your old abode loose:

• No one wants your toilet brushes, indoor trash cans, and cleaning sponges. We will throw them away immediately and so will you in your new home.
• Feel free to leave your cleaning supplies, including laundry detergent and dishwasher tabs. For most people, leaving toilet paper is acceptable. But do not leave BODY cleaning supplies, like used soap and sponges, etc.
• No one wants your bathmats or non-slip shower/tub mats or decals. Throw them out.
• No one expects a clean house (and they will clean it thoroughly before they do anything else, trust me), but don't leave the oven, bath, or toilets a nasty mess. There is no need. It is also nice if the bathroom floors are cleaned, especially if you have lots of little boys (or big ones) in residence. (Ah, there's my parenting link. Whew!)
• Do not leave your questionable home maintenance detris in the garage or basement without asking first. Rusty tools, dull tree cutters, and rotten paint, even if it matches the walls painted 10 years ago,  is not appreciated.
• If you feel compelled to leave anything behind, have a yard sale and invite the new owners/renters. Throw everything not purchased away.
• Do not leave food anywhere. Not in the freezer, not in cans on the shelf. Take it with you, give it to the neighbors, or trash it.
• Do not leave clothes hangers. We have enough of the ones we like already.
• Be sure to leave your oven's broiler pan in the drawer, but take all the other stuff out of the drawer. If you've moved one or more times, you already have plenty.
• Feel free to leave lightbulbs, especially those needed for "weird" appliances or light fixtures.
• Diaper Genies, potty chairs, baby toiletries or medicines...take them with you. IN fact, make sure the movers pack your medicine cabinets as they often get forgotten.
• Do not leave your old furniture, especially mattresses, "just in case" the new owners need it. Get rid if it!
• Do not leave pet supplies and equipment. The only exception to this is if you have a bird feeder and want to leave the bird seed behind.
• Feel free to leave behind your snow shovel and deicer. That is actually quite helpful if you don't need it.

As a general rule, never err on the side of leaving something behind. We know you probably mean well (maybe), but we will never know what we didn't have and we will always remember having to decontaminate our hands after throwing away your toilet brush.

Definition: To harass into submission.

Usage: Emma cajoled me in to buying her a robotic cat named Lulu.

I think this post may explain a lot. Maybe a lot more to me than anyone else, but that's not a bad thing.

A little background: I was born in England and moved to the US when I was between 8 and 9 years old. I am the child of British parents (not American military or anything like that). I was very young when I moved, but it turns out it has a much greater impact than one might think.

Consider this...

Imagine not having the following reference points in your life:

• Sesame Street
• Mr. Roger's
• Mary Poppins
• The Brady Bunch
• The Electric Company
• Saturday morning cartoons
• Sid and Marty Krofft
• School House Rock
• Smurfs, Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, GI Joe, Hot Wheels

Now instead, imagine you have these references:

• Blue Peter
• Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
• Monkey (Monkey Magic)
• Fawlty Towers
• Bagpuss
• The Clangers
• Noddy (The real one, not that weird version on Noggin.)
• The Magic Roundabout
• Play School
• Jamie and the Magic Torch
• Mr. Benn
• Basil Brush
• The Adventure Game
• It's a Knockout
• And I could go on...

There was some spillover:

• Dukes of Hazzard
• Dallas (I never really saw this, just the beginning as I was on my way to bed, but I do remember the "Who shot JR?" drama.)
• Pink Panther
• Tom and Jerry
• Honk Kong Phooey
• Top Cat
• The Banana Splitz (with some British and some American cartoons)

Now imagine that everything you really knew about the US was encapsulated in these TV shows. Back then, the Brits really did feel that Americans were all Texans.

It really amazes me how much, even to this day, there is a disconnect between what I know and think and what American folk know and think, just because of this cultural mishmash. I cannot typically participate in conversations about US pop culture of this time which can be quite frustrating. Music, television, food (e.g. peanut butter and jelly....yuck!), clothes, school, my understanding of the news of the time (e.g. Not as much Vietnam as Falklan Islands. Rooting for the Brits during the Olympics.). Everything is different.

It even affects my parenting. For example, I never watched Sesame Street until I saw it with my kids and I really dislike it. It actually pains me to watch it. I just don't get all the hype. As a result, we hardly ever watch it which means my kids will suffer from a disconnect similar to mine unless I deliberately choose otherwise. Being culturally literate is so important, so I have to choose Sesame Street some times. But, interestingly enough, my kids don't have any interest in it either.

My favorite kids show for my children is Charlie and Lola because it speaks my language, literally. (Well, that and Tom and Jerry, of course.)

Anyway, this post wasn't really designed to go anywhere. Mostly just an observation and a trip through my BBC past. Just think about the impact your childhood cultural references have in your life and in how you parent. It is really amazing that it can be relevant even today.