Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

When I was in high school, I took a very interesting course in drug education. It was very detailed and extensive. However, there is one thing they forgot to mention when dicussing gateway substances....and that is pets.

Last Spring, I made a daring move towards more responsibility and esxpanded our family by three, then twleve, cute little fluffy hamsters. Despite some setbacks, the little hammies grew on us and made us feel like invicible, smart, competent pet owners. Yeah, us.

I realize now that this thinking was flawed, perhaps dangerously so, when one June morning a few days after school let out for the Summer I found myself in a "meet and greet" room at the SPCA...with the kids....and a little, black puppy. Needless to say the rest, as they say, is history.

Now, three months later, my confidence level has hit bottom and I'm now in pet rehab. I don't have time for the standard Twelve Step. Frankly, I think many of the steps are just plain BS. I mean pretty much the only step that really matters is the first one "We admitted we were powerless over cute fluffy animals—that our lives had become unmanageable."

After that it is pretty much all about the return policy. The SPCA has a 30-day return policy. Unfortunately, I was in the grip of the addiction at that point and didn't believe that I my kids could live without Sherlock.

The SPCA, like any dealer, knows what it's doing really. They have figured out that most people don't realize they are in over their heads by the 30-day mark. At that point, they are still trying to convince themselves that it wasn't a mistake and that they can handle it or quit at any time. This let's the dealer SPCA off the hook guilt-free and the new addict owner dazed, confused, and being forced to live out their lives at Dog Lover's Obedience School (sorta like a jailhouse work program) until they get off....for good behavior.