Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

One of the worst parts multi-child parenting is conversations like this:

ME: (on the phone) "Yes, I need to make a peds appointment, please?"
SON: "Mommy, where's my cat?"
ME: "Mason 1111....Jack, over there. And, in the future please refer to my new law before asking me to find something again....fever.....cough.....snotty nose"
SON: "Mom-mee! She's not there!"
ME: "...5 days...101...Jack, you didn't look."
SON: "Emma! You took my cat! Where is she?!"
DAUGHTER: Scream...Punch...Crying
SON: "Mommy! Emma punched me."
ME: "9:20....Jack, you yelled at her....Emma, no punching. Time out!....15 minutes early, ok...."
SON: "Mommy, my cat?!"
DAUGHTER: "I'm thirsty!"
ME: "Is that with the pediatrician?...Jack! Over there!...Hold on, Emma...No, leave your diaper on!"
SON: "Emma! Give me my cat! Mommy, Emma threw my cat!"
DAUGHTER: "I want juice!!!!!"
ME: "Jack, quiet. She is giving it to you!...Emma, say 'please!'...No! Not on the floor! Use the potty...Thanks. Have a nice day."