Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

It is after seconds of careful consideration that I am hearby submitting my resignation as the Household Lost Object Locator. I have decided that I am no longer qualified for the aforementioned position and am going to seek employment doing something more closely related to my skills, perhaps Laundry Sock Locator or TV Remote Supervisor.

I'm hoping that my resignation will help motivate our Household Congress to approve my proposed Object Orientation Law which works to address the common household problem of missing items.

Phrases banned by the new law include:

• Do you know where my....is?

  I can't find my....

  But I looked for it!

  I don't know where I saw it last.

  Any another other similar or relating phraseology

Behaviors banned by the new law include:

• Sulking

  Crying

  Whining

  Moaning

  Tantruming

  Wandering around looking lost

Thank you for the opportunity to serve. I will be happy to provide limited on-the-job training to any person hired to fill the position.