Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

When parenting on a military base, there are so many typically undesirable child rearing obstacles that appear every day. Knowing what to say when you first encounter such obstacles is often hard, so I've prepared a list of things you can say (and I have road tested) to manage some of the more common occurrences:

• Don't touch the razor wire by the playground. You could cut your fingers off.
• No, that gun is not a toy. No, I don't know where he got it.
• Look at the sniper practicing behind the preschool. No, he wouldn't really shoot if kids were there.
• Oh, you found bullet casings. Next to the school bus? Interesting.
• They are just practicing taking care of pretend wounded in the hospital parking lot. Look at those doctors run!
• Did you hear them say the word "exercise" before the gas attack? That means it is pretend. We only have the gas masks for the real attacks.
• Today we have to do a safety practice in case we need to leave the country in a hurry. It should be fun. Grab your gas mask and your suitcase. Don't forget your lovey. We'll have the neighbors feed the fish.
• We can't leave the BX until the man with the gun tells us it's OK.
• It's not polite to tell your friend that Daddy could bomb his house even if he is mean to you.
• Quick, ear plugs! Why are those U2s so darn loud?
• It's an AMRAM, not a SCUD.

As always, I hope this makes your job a little easier. We've got to help each other in this crazy world.