Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

I have some questions for which I would like answers:

1. When I tell my son not to get Moon Sand all over the carpet, why do I come back not 5 minutes later to find both my son and daughter in a Moon Sand ball war?
2. Why does the pizza guy always deliver when my children decide to answer the door naked?
3. Why does my 2-year old nap only on days that napping isn't really convenient?
4. Why does my son always draw all over my daughter and not on himself?
5. Why doesn't the tooth fairy publish a price list?
6. Why is the food on my plate more desirable that the food on my daughter's plate?
7. Why is the 1 square foot (no comments, please) where I'm sitting the only place everyone else wants to sit?
8. Why does my son draw on the wall in his closet, but not on other walls? (Well, except Anna's, I suppose.)
9. Why does everyone know my son's name, but he never knows anyone else's? (I'm not actually sure I want an answer to that one, but it comes up.)
10. Why is Star Wars: The Clone Wars cartoon shown after a reasonable bedtime?

More questions coming soon.

Here is a photo of my winner-victorious!-with her prize. Because Anna already scored some treats from China, I decided on a more appropriate prize, her very own "Parenting Bag of Tricks".

Contents included:

Pictured:

....except....

1. It hurts-really, really, really hurts-when you step on it.
2. The little pieces everywhere will drive you insane. (I don't need any additional help there.)
3. The instructions are so "good" that they can make the models ridiculously detailed. (Read: More pieces!)
4. There is always one piece that has gone MIA in the assembly process.
5. There is no way to keep it together (except with Super Glue) once it is assembled. (And even using Super Glue only really slows the disassembly process down.)
6. There is no way to reassemble it once it has been pulled apart and made into something else.
7. It is sooooo expensive for the kits that build the cool models displayed on the box.
8. It is far too tempting to count the pieces in the box as they tell you how many pieces are supposed to be in there!
9. They don't have enough pink and purple blocks.
10. They don't offer any adult themes which is a shame since adults build most of them anyway.

Otherwise, it is an excellent toy with lots of learning potential and fosters superior imaginary play. However, I'm starting to this that I can get the same benefits from a large cardboard box and some toilet paper rolls.

Lug, Slug, Chug, or Hug. Very creative use of a terrible word...Congrats!

The prize (and winner!) will be pictures once it is delivered.

Thanks for playing!

The 7th, and final, word is:

• Remember you can enter 7 times, once per word.
• Also, tune in tomorrow for a bonus round and the announcement of the winner!

For this, I simply ask you to click here.

Enjoy!

Today's word is:

Today's word is:

Today's word is:

Today's word is:

Today's word is:

This week I am running a vocabulary series called "Parenting Word of the Day". It is designed specifically to be both educational and cathartic.

Each day a new word will be displayed and each day you may submit an entry to win a prize (of my choosing) at the end of the 7 day series.

Your task is to write the most interesting comment/post/ story/poem/etc. relating to that word AND parenting. Your post must be uniquely yours. I will run plagiarizing "software" to determine the legitimacy of the entries. You can enter once per word to maximize your chance to win.

I will consult with my experts to determine a winner (or we'll have a vote...haven't decided yet). Points will be given for creativity, accurate use of the word, humor or drama, and, in a tie breaker, if I like you personally that will help, too.

Today's word is:

1. To enter, submit your entry as a "comment" on each day's post.

Here is what I've encountered in the hour since I got up.

• Wardrobe malfunction on diaper causing 2.5 year old daughter to spend the entire night basically peeing directly on her bed.
• Notice that said 2.5 year old's eye swollen shut due to an apparent case of pinkeye
• Go to make an appointment for said eye to find that my way-old-enough-to-know-better son has written his name in erasable crayon on our LCD TV. Turns out erasable is irrelevant when you write on a TV screen.
• Try to make a reservation (appointment) at the best place in town (hospital), but the phone lines were down. Turns out in order to submit a work order to get the phone fixed to the technicians IN THE BUILDING, they have to call the US where it is still Sunday.
• Finally get someone on a different number...they forward me to the appointments number which isn't working.
• Umbrella (with whistle on the handle) being tossed around the living room wildly (and open) in celebration of rain. Injuries minimal, but not silent.
• "That banana is dirty!" says 2 year old when handed a ripe (brownish) banana.
• Didn't hear what time husband said he was going to be home. No idea if I need to cook dinner tonight.

I wonder what the next hour will bring.

I should preface this story by saying we are not big drinkers in our house. I can probably count the number of times I've had a bottle of wine in the house in the pat 10 years on one hand. Just never think about it.

So you can imagine my surprise this evening, when my 2 1/2 year old comes in to the kitchen and says:

"Mommy, I want cheese and wine."

Where do they get this stuff? Someone dared to suggest that she got it from Tom and Jerry, but I doubt it. They're pretty wholesome really. (If you can overlook petty issues, such as violence, racism, classism, and sexism.)

Life is far from simple in the world of Tom and Jerry, but there are many lessons to be learned from each encounter.

Friendship

First and foremost, Tom and Jerry is really about friendship. Not just regular TV friendship, but the kind of friendship that involves the real complications of being different and being friends despite those differences. They may horse around a lot. Sometimes it is not very gentle (just like 5 year old boys, in my experience), but over all, they choose to engage with each other regularly and sometimes they put their friendship to work for a joint cause (most often, against Spike the dog.)

Conflict Resolution

This one is pretty obvious really. Tom and Jerry routinely find something to argue about. They are creative in how they work to solve the problem and, for the most part, they always come to resolution. They work hard and try different methods; and eventually, something works. Problem solved. What better lesson is there about solving life's problems, big and small?

Loyalty

Tom and Jerry may not always get along, but when someone else tries to threaten the careful balance of their relationship there is hell to pay. When Spike gets involved and tries to get either cat or mouse on his side, it usually ends up backfiring some how.

Fairness

Life isn't fair, but we can be happy despite unfairness. Sometimes Tom wins and other times Jerry gets the upper hand. They both end up happy at times and frustrated other times when they don't get what they want. Just like when we go shopping....we don't always get what we want there either! What self-respecting parent doesn't want their kids to understand that message?

Culture, Sociology, History, & the Fine Arts

Many episodes of Tom and Jerry are set to a spectacular score or involve a variety of fine art experiences, such as conducting symphonies, figure skating, painting, and dancing. Many episodes even have an historical setting, such as the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the French Revolution, and the Great Depression.

In addition, Tom and Jerry are representative of cultural issues of their time. They may not always be appropriate for today's PC culture, but that is also a topic for discussion. What an interesting education our kids would receive if we talked to them about how contemporary cultural and sociological issues even affects cartoons, such as Tom and Jerry.

So next time you sit down to berate this cat and mouse duo, sit back for a minute and reflect on what Tom and Jerry can teach us. Maybe you will discover something to appreciate after all.

I'm going to return from my blog strike for a few minutes to provide some tips to help military families plan a move. Where we live, PCS (moving) season is in full swing. The buzz about next "duty stations" is in the air and words like "TMO", "movers", "pack-out", "house hunting", "orders", "school records", "overseas clearance" are being tossed around like they are food in a junior high school cafeteria.

Through years of experience, I have developed a list of useful tips for you to use during your next move. So listen up! I don't like to repeat myself and I might not come back if my strike continues to go badly. (Still waiting for some jokes or something.....please.....save me...I'm drowning in bloggy Hell.)

When you get the news:

• The first thing to remember is that the move will happen with or without you. Planning is pretty much a waste of brain cells so keep all planning to a minimum.
• When you are informed of your move, don't bother reacting. Try to avoid saying, "You want me to move where?" or "Are you &%!$ing kidding me?" Save your emotions for the actual moving process. You don't want to wear out your anger, crying, and frustration supply before the movers even get there.
• Don't believe anything they tell you until you have orders. (And, even then, it's safe to call the TMO, but not safe to buy a house.)
• Never, ever, ever, ever tell your kids you are moving until you are on the airplane. Remember, things can change at any time. (This is especially true if you are trying to leave Korea.) I've found the best thing to tell them is you are going on a "really long vacation soon" and "if we really like it, perhaps we won't even come back." That leaves it comfortably open-ended for everyone.
• Don't buy any items that might "be useful" at your next duty station. It does NOT pay to plan ahead. Examples of bad purchases may include cold (or warm) weather gear, electronics, cars with the steering wheel on the alternate side to the one you already own, and travel books. Remember, if you buy something that isn't useful at your next duty station, you also will NOT be able to sell it there.

When the movers come:

• Place both the pets and the kids (with food and water, of course) in a locked bathroom. Be sure to turn off the water to the toilet, just in case.
• Fill a backpack with all your valuables and wear it throughout the entire moving process. Do not put it down for even a second, even while sleeping, as it might get packed, unpacked, stolen, or otherwise destroyed.
• Make sure you are wearing shoes so they don't get packed.
• Empty your trash can. Movers are notorious for packing trash. (Not kidding.)
• Stick bright colorful stickers that say "Pack me at your own risk!" on anything you would like to keep from the packers. (But don't count on it working for everything. Put those things in your backpack.)
• Ask the movers to put the new inventory stickers on top of the old ones. That way when you pull the sticker off, they will all come off together.

Traveling to your new location:

• I've covered travel before....here. Nothing's changed there.

Upon arrival:

• Arrive in the dark. New places always look better in the dark.
• Tell the kids that you like it and think you will stay if Daddy (or Mommy) can find a job.
• Stay in a hotel. Don't get creative and think you can sleep on the floor of the new home you were not supposed to buy until you arrived.
• Don't forget to unpack the pets. They hate being left in the car.
• Don't forget to unpack the kids. They hate being left in the car.
• Remember, a little Benedryl never hurt anyone on the first night of a new place with jet lag. (Hotels have bathrooms with locks, too, if you are one of the crazy people who are morally opposed to drugging your kids.)

OK, back to my strike. Scabs! All of you!

I'm officially sick of myself. Completely and utterly bored and irritated with the sound of my voice in my head. (Not to mention the sound of my voice in other people's heads.)

Please help me....tell me a joke, an interesting fact, something, anything to break to monotony of me.