Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

I LOVE my new catch phrase. It's witty, unexpected, and, most importantly, useful. (Yes, I know I didn't invent it so don't harrass me about that).

Here's how it works:

THEM: Wow! You really cleaned up your house!
ME: Yeah, but it's kinda like putting lipstick on a pig.
ALL: (Amused laughter.)

THEM: Oh my, look at those hot pants.
ME: Yeah, but it's kinda like putting lipstick on a pig.
ALL: (Shock, but segue to amused laughter.)

ME: Thanks for inviting me to dinner. Please pass the ketchup.
THEM: Here you are. Would you like some salt and pepper, too?
ME: Yeah, but it's kinda like putting lipstick on a pig.
ALL: (Uncomfortable silence.)

THEM: Think I need a pedicure?
ME: Yeah, but it's kinda like putting lipstick on a pig.
THEM: (Sound of front door slamming and car screeching from the curb.)

I think it could really catch on...for example, my friend, Anna, and I could have the following conversation:

ME: I like that frame you put on your super large ship portrait.
ANNA: Yeah, but it's kinda like putting lipstick on a pig.

Or, perhaps...

ME: Are these Pseudo "Crocs" with colorful flowers better than the bright yellow Real Crocs?

ANNA: Yeah, but it's kinda like putting lipstick on a pig.