Tips from the Trenches: A Guide to Practical Parenting

The juice box is for scale.

Since I've been tossing tips left and right these days (well, at least once to the left right left right left), I thought I would delve in to a problem I alluded to on Facebook not so long ago. I really thought I might be able to get a straight answer for once, but not a single person took a stand to help me out. Shocking as that may be to most of you, I've decided to try again.

Due to the sheer quantity of laundry that I have to do, it should go without saying that I have no desire to make the job bigger than it already is. We all know how much I love the topic of laundry and I have an honest to God laundry dilemma. So here goes...it's about socks.

I hate the fact that socks are an item if clothing that only gets clean on one side. And that is at best, really, because most of the socks I wash are already balled up to such a degree that I'm pretty sure no water actually penetrates the dirty, stinky, knotted lump that is tossed with nary a care in to the machine. Socks are dirty from both the feet in them and the environment around them. Pretty disgusting really.

So what do I do? I want to wash my socks according to some reasonable standard that I can feel confident represents the average laundry aficionado's efforts. I don't want my kids to be any dirty (or any cleaner really 'cause that's just too much work) than the kids sitting next to them in class.

I will not wash them twice. Nor will I bleach them every time I put wash them. Half the time they are stuck down the leg of some one's jeans anyway.

What I want to know is...is it more important that socks are clean on the inside or on the outside?

To answer this question, I'm posting a poll and asking you to vote. If you have extra tips, you are also welcome to post them in the comments as always. At the end of the week, where the votes were cast and will (probably) just do that.

Please note that all votes are anonymous (unless you make a comment, of course). Let me know what you think. Go ahead, sock it to me...(sorry, couldn't resist).

Kids to the dentist separately or together? Suggestions. They are 6 and 3.

It has been a very long day at our house. Instead of going out, I opted to stay home and get some things done. This is a very rare occurrence in our house, so around 2 o'clock this afternoon, everyone was getting completely stir crazy. The problem was that I didn't want to leave. I was in the tidying zone and that doesn't happen often.

By 3 o'clock, I was subjected to a nearly constant stream of "Mommy, I bored" or "Mommy, this is not fun." Hearing this once is bad enough, but a full on assault every few minutes quickly made me wish I were a violent person. Who was it that said the best cure for boredom is Mommy boredom? I think they are so wrong. So wrong, in fact, that I'm thinking of taking out an ad in all the major parenting mags to let everyone know that he/she is a liar.

I was completely baffled by how to address this problem. My frustration was quickly stumping my creativity. On principle, I didn't want to give in and take them out. I also didn't want to have to turn into the family entertainer.

So now I'm looking for advice. How do you respond to this scenario? Are you as flummoxed as me or do you have a fail safe response? I have a feeling that this will not be the first time I am confronted with this and I want to fill up my parenting toolbox with as many chainsaws and power drills as possible.

I'm going to take a giant leap in logic here and hypothesize that most of the people who find themselves at Tips from the Trenches are, in fact, parents or are likely to soon become parents.


Because Tips makes every effort to be both compelling and useful, I thought I would take a few precious minutes out of my busy schedule to bestow upon my reader(s) some wisdom regarding efficiency.


Today, while I was multi-tasking on the porcelain goddess, it occurred to me that it might be useful for us to share some things that we do to be more efficient. Some of these things are pretty benign, but others are just pure parenting genius.


Here are some things I've a learned through trial and (lots of) error:

• Never go anywhere without something in your hands that needs to go where you are going. Empty hands=wasted trip.
• Never just sit on the potty. Get dressed. Brush your teeth. Remove nail polish. Clean out your handbag. Pay some bills. Send e-mail (but be forewarned that any multi-tasking around water with electronics is particularly risky). Also, it is not preferrable to talk on the phone, but I guess that is up for debate.
• Never ask your kids to do something that you may as well just do yourself. (Remember, we are talking about efficiency here. Not overall parenting prowess.)
• Never take the kids with you. Anywhere.
• The pool is considered both fun and a bath.
• Never vaccuum under anything. Out of sight. Out of mind.
• Never manually wash your own car. The kids will only want to "help" and a trip through the automatic car wash can be an excellent disciplinary tool.
• While dropping fully clothed children in the tub may seem like an efficient way to get clothes and kids clean simultaneously, it isn't. Been there. Done that. (The problem is that laundry powder is not suitable for their "tender" skin. Blah. Blah. Blah.)
• Instead of ironing wrinkled items, it is more efficient to throw them in the dryer while you get on with something else, such as, well, just about anything is better than ironing really.
• Buy uncomfortable furniture. The less they want to sit, the better chance you have of finding a place without wasting time on arguing about it.
• Always wear a bra or panties with strong elastic. Strong elastic can hold a surprisingly large amount of stuff. Since we didn't grow and extra arm when we were pregnant, this is a great way to get a third hand.
• Never carry something when you can throw it.
• Tidy up only once a day. After bed time. I know this probably sends shivers down the baby soft skin of many of your souls, but really. Efficiency is important. How else will you get time for Facebook?

OK, I'm spent. Please, please, please, share your efficiency tips. Think of it as your "green" act for today. Efficiency is very ecologically friendly....did you know?

Over the past few weeks one phrase has become very popular at our house. My nearly 6-year old son believes that he is now equipped to make all decisions for himself. He thinks that the end to all arguments is to say, "I make my own decisions!" and storm off in a sulky huff (with the recent addition of firmly shutting his bedroom door behind him). I thought I would have at least another 6 or 7 years before this became a serious concern in my daily life.

On top of this, my son and 2 3/4-year old daughter just can't seem to give each other a break. Lately, we've been in a power struggle, particularly over property rights, and I'm starting to get worried about witnessing Cain & Abel take place on my Cheerio-covered living room floor.

Everything is "Mine! Mine! No, mine!" all day long, it seems. What makes it worse is that now my son yells out (at the peak of every argument), "It's mine! I make my own decisions!" To which my response is "Actually, it's mine! And I make ALL the decisions." Today, that caused both kids to storm off in a huff to their own rooms which turned out to be fine because I got some quality Facebook time in peace.

Anyway, I know this response isn't helpful (unless I want to spend all day on Facebook, of course). My only defense is that I'm driven to it. I don't really think I do make all the decisions. Not only that, but I don't want to make them. Decisions = work. And I have enough of that already.

Not only that, but this puts me, as a parent, in a very tricky spot. After all, the consequences of dealing with this situation could affect whether or not I have a 35-year old, jobless, son living at home with me. I do want him to make his own decisions. And, yes, I even want to give him room to make some bad ones. After all, one day I won't be there to make all his decisions for him. But, I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Even if he is.

I was thinking that there is definitely a different level of appreciation in our house in regards to the kids. It isn't that we don't both appreciate or find joy in them, but my theory is that primary care givers get a greater variety in the quality of parent-child interaction. (E.g the primary care giver gets more of the crappy hours, therefore less of the joy.) Not only that but the "lesser around" primary care giver gets the ardent farewells and the joyous returns each day and the novelty of the time together.

The big problem is that this stinks! I don't like to be frustrated, loud, and grumpy about the kiddos. I don't want to complain or be negative about them. I love them limitlessly and don't want to feel any negativity around them. But all good things are hard earned, I guess.

Who appreciates the kids more in your house? Is this just my household or am I experiencing normal parental angst?